About Change
Written by Emma S. Fall Gap Semester 2020
When I think back to my very first day here at Glen Brook, I realize a lot has changed since; My friends and I have changed, the place we now call home has changed, and the entire country and world has changed. One of my most vivid memories from that day happened in the first few hours after my arrival: I remember standing in a circle on the grassy meadow just outside of our campsite facing the rest of my gap group and our leaders. Every natural element surrounding us seemed to be different shades of bright green: The grass beneath my feet, the trees covering Mt. Monadnock, and the trees on the perimeter of the meadow. We were all wearing shorts or short-sleeved tee-shirts. There wasn’t a bare branch or winter coat in sight. We went around and shared our individual hopes and goals for our time here. Everyone answered--albeit through uncomfortable silences, shaky voices, and terrible eye contact. It was slightly awkward to say the least, as all of us were reluctant to answer this pretty personal question before complete strangers. Shai (our gap director) went last, “I hope that you all become (big pause) close friends and love each other.” I remember looking around the circle and seeing everyone else smirk or squirm uncomfortably after he shared. I also didn’t really get why he said it---The goal seemed unlikely and far-fetched given I barely could remember my roommate’s names (and that’s saying something because I am one of two Emmas in my room).
Two and half months later, I can confidently report that we achieved Shai’s goal. But this program has been so much more than just creating lasting, genuine, and loving friendships. We have questioned ourselves, our values, and our actions. We have been challenged both personally and as a group, built a community, and learned about the world around us.
One of my favorite activities throughout my time at Glen Brook was Farmer Emma’s “Legacy Progression,” a 6-session group experience where we created and acted out a story about a society that was forced to exile their land on an ark and adapt at sea. Through our own storytelling, we learned about reaching group-consensus, questioned what it means to lead in unprecedented times, and reflected on the risks and rewards of revolt. We ended the last session by hearing the story we created read back to us. It ended with this quote by Octavia Butler: “All that you touch You Change. All that you Change Changes you. The only lasting truth is Change.”
At first, to be completely honest, I didn’t understand it. But thinking about the quote again, I realize that it encapsulates one of the most important lessons I am taking away from my time at Glen Brook: Change is evitable. We make change whether we like it or not, unconsciously or with clear intent, and are changed through that process.
Throughout our time here, we have changed the lives of those around us and changed the land, and in turn have been changed ourselves. Obviously we aren’t drastically different people from when we arrived, but this program has given us the opportunity and space to think about what it means to be “us” and learn that our decisions have consequences. With the support of close friendship and community, we have been able to make mistakes and grow.
Although it is hard to celebrate the friendships, lessons, memories, and experiences we have gained in tandem with the bittersweet, sad feelings of our upcoming departure, I am comforted by the fact that change is inevitable.
Over the past week and a half, we have been working on our “Deep Dive” projects. These are projects that we designed to help create a lasting impact on future community members at Glen Brook. My group has been working to clean up and decorate the camp’s communal meeting area, while another gapper is working to build a telescope hut with an easily understandable manual to accompany it (just to name a couple projects).
A few nights ago at our evening closing we all shared how it felt to be us in that moment (more confidently and with less awkwardness than that first day). Now, as the program comes to a close, a lot of us were thinking about how it feels to hold multiple conflicting emotions together. It is a bittersweet time, but change and balance go hand in hand. In a time of change in our country and in all of our lives here in our little bubble in New Hampshire (figuratively but also in the COVID sense). This duality of feelings is something this group has grown to lean into. From living at Falcon camp to the canoe trip to apprenticeships to orienteering to electives in land stewardship, phenology, comedic improv, and more, and finally to deep dives, we have truly been on a journey together as a group. But as Butler said, “The only lasting truth is Change.”
Now the once-green grass is yellow and browning, the leaves are all gone except for the evergreen sprigs, and wearing winter hats inside is a casual fashion norm. As I leave Glen Brook this coming Sunday, I am going to take the friendships, lessons, and experiences I’ve collected with me onward toward whatever adventure awaits, excited for the change to come.