Week Nine: The Spirit of Reciprocity
Aw, the cohort! Sadie is in the front row on the left.
Gap at Glen Brook has taught me many different practices during my time here. From working on a farm, in a kitchen, a house, or in the woods to being in a community, using non-violent communication, and great works of literature I have learned lots of lessons. One recurring theme that I have come to value is reciprocity, which is the act of exchanging goods with others for mutual benefit (Oxford Languages and Google).
Before becoming a gapper I had heard about reciprocity, but I hardly knew what it meant and had hardly practiced it. But in my life, I was struggling to answer the question “how can a community effectively and efficiently look after the individual?” So often in our society, our ideal community is that everyone should carry an equal weight, which might I add is quite ableist. (We live in a society-!) I’ve struggled with long-haul COVID since the beginning of 2022, and applying to the Gap at Glenbrook program was a leap of faith in myself and my recovery. When I decided to come to Gap I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to participate, that I would fall behind the other gappers, and worse of all I was scared that they would resent me for needing to rest and take care of myself.
I did have moments when I felt strong and felt that I added value to the collective. However, there were moments when I couldn’t keep carrying the extra weight in my pack, I couldn’t help out on my kitchen shifts, or show up to activities. During those times I tried my best to practice self-care and make space for myself to rest and relax. Still, a thought would always nag at the back of my mind “Are they mad? Do they hate me now?” (This was very silly of me, I know.) Yet each time a gapper or a staffer, and sometimes multiple people, would take on extra weight from my pack, take over my kitchen shift, or simply assure me that it was ok that I needed to step back for a moment. (Side note: Emma-Jo and Sam rowed me around while I napped for an hour each during the canoe trip. They wanted a challenge, so I gave them one. Reciprocity.)
Then each time I was scared I was the burden the opportunity would come along to help others out. At first, it was a hard thing to figure out. People around me were doing acts of service for each other five days a week and afternoon on the weekends, but I simply couldn’t offer the same things. That’s where Emma-Jo and Tori stepped in. Emma-Jo assured me that it was important for me to rest and that I didn’t need to push myself while Tori offered some creative solutions. If I had a bad week and had to ask people to swap out kitchen shifts or chores, I’d do the dishes and pick up on the weekends. If someone wasn’t feeling well I’d offer them some tea and vitamins. If they felt guilty for not showing up to an activity because they needed to rest, I’d do my best to validate their emotions and let them know that they were making the right decision. Sometimes when I couldn’t do the heavy lifting, I’d simply sit down and cheer the heavy lifters on.
One of my favorite parts of being here was helping out my friends. I believe that the spirit of reciprocity was a big part of what turned the Hill House into a Hill Home. From Sam’s extravagant dinners, Corliss’ baked goods, to Jess and Evan’s jokes, Solana’s books, Brendan’s music, Claudia’s hugs, Emma’s philosophy, Stavroula and Wren’s campaign, and Abby’s advice we learned how to take care of each other. We learned how to pick each other up and ground each other in the love we’d been looking for. (And yes, it is kind of cliche and silly, but that’s part of the fun.)
Sadie E. Burch ❤